Subject: [Simple] Comments to im-sessions-01

From: [email-masked]
Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2003 15:59:14 +0300

Hi,

Here are some more detailed comments on the message-sessions draft, mostly nits/clarifications. My bigger issues were covered by separate emails/threads.

- Abstract, 1st paragraph, last sentence: "just as an audio or video session"
	doesn't sound quite right. The invitation is different in a sense that there
	is an envelope protocol session established and not media directly.

- Abstract, 2nd paragraph: seems detached from the first paragraph. Perhaps
	adding "also" after "This document...".

- Ch. 1, 1st paragraph: last sentence states that pager-mode messaging makes 
	sense where a small number of messages occur. It needs to add some temporal
	dimension. After all, if a large number of messages are exchanged, but over
	a long period of time, pager mode makes a lot of sense.

- Ch. 1, third paragraph: 4th sentence claims that no specific mechanism is
	proposed. it needs to add that MSRP is proposed, although not for message
	delivery per se. Also, add "be" between "may" and "any".

- Ch. 1, last paragraph: session -> sessions.

- Ch. 2, 1st para: last sentence is confusing. MSRP relays are distinct logical
	elements from SIP proxies, so the claim is never true.

- Ch. 2, 5th para: last sentence needs much elaboration (as also mentioned in another
	thread). Also, the chapter could say something about using transport security
	to protect the session. This to me would provide the biggest security 
	motivation to using message sessions.

- Ch. 4, 3rd para: 4th sentence "The first URI represents a the destination ...", 
	remove "a" and change "destination" to "the identity of the destination".

- Ch. 4, 3rd para: 5th sentence "The second represents a ..." replace "a" with "an",
	and remove extra space after "to".

- Ch. 4: the two end-point IDs are called URIs, but I'd rather use the term "ID".
	Otherwise there is an issue about what URI scheme is used, or whether
	NAIs are used.

- Ch. 4, 7th para: 4th sentence, replace "alternately" with "Alternatively".

- Ch. 5.3, 1st para: 1st sentence fix MRSP.

- Ch. 5.4, 5th para: 1st sentence, replace session w/ sessions.

- Ch. 6.2, 1st para: 1st sentence replace share w/ shares.

- Ch. 6.2., last para: 2nd sentence, the way an endpoint would treat a 500 response is
	not (AFAIK) defined in the doc.

- Ch. 6.4, 4th para: 1st sentence, remove extra space before period. 4th sentence, 
	"MUST not duplicate any the URI" remove either "any" or "the".

- Ch. 6.4, 12th para: 1st sentence "choose whether of act" replace "of" with "to".

- Ch. 6.7, 1st para: 3rd sentence, replace "And" with "An". From 4th sentence onwards
	- the text is really confusing and takes a good 4-5 reads to figure out what the 
	rest of the paragraph is saying exactly... ;)

- Ch. 6.8.1, 3rd bullet list, item #1, "Check ... to see it matches..." insert "that" 
	after "see". 

- Ch. 6.8.2., 1st bullet: remove one iof "performs", "sends". Replace "UNBIND" with
	"RELEASE".

- Ch. 6.18, last sentence: Replace "L-URI" with "R-URI".

- Ch. 7.1, example messages 4, 5: the TR-IDs of messages don't match. First one 
	has "msrp:" the other one doesn't.

- Ch. 7, example messages: First SEND has CRLF sequence between headers and 
	body. The second one seems to have CRLF, CRLF. Some other messages are missing
	a CRLF after request-start/response-start.

Cheers,
Aki

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